Teenage Boredom: Anger’s Mask

Read Time: 10 minutes

It's the middle of summer, school's out, and guess what? You're bored. You might have a summer job, be taking a summer class, and even get to regularly hang out with friends, but you still find yourself listless, "stuck," or just plain apathetic. 

In this month's blog post, let's dive into what feeling boredom as a young person may really mean and what hides behind it. 

What is Boredom?

Boredom too often has negative connotations. When young adults or teens say something along the lines of "I'm bored," they're immediately assumed to be lazy, unimaginative, or "helpless." "How can you be bored when there's so much to do?" a parent might ask, "Why don't you go find a hobby, help out around the house, get a job, etc." 

Let's take a step back and first look at boredom as the emotion it is. We feel bored when we are uninterested, unengaged, or otherwise lacking any stimulation. Boredom can feel like:

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• loneliness

• emptiness

• lethargy/fatigue

• longing for more

• restlessness

• discontent

• haziness/daydreaming

• frustration/anger

Boredom often arises when:

• we feel dissatisfied with ourselves

• we feel we’re stuck in a monotonous routine

• we can't seem to find anything meaningful to occupy our time or minds

• our voices aren't heard

• we feel we have no part/or stake in something

Notice how boredom doesn't necessarily arise from being "lazy," but instead manifests when we feel frustrated and dissatisfied. That's because boredom is serving as a mask for our deeper feelings of anger.

Anger and Boredom: Two Sides of the Same Coin

We see anger as a much more intense emotion compared to boredom. We feel anger when we perceive threats, injustices, or other frustrations. Anger arises when:

• our boundaries are crossed

• our expectations are not met

• we feel that our desires and needs are being invalidated or obstructed

• we feel helpless

Sound a little familiar? 

Boredom and anger both arise from a sense of discontentment and a longing for change or fulfillment. Boredom is just a quieter form of anger, what Karla McLaren, author of The Language of Emotions, calls "the protective mask for anger."

Boredom and Breaking Points

So why do we describe boredom as a "protective mask?" Why would boredom be anything other than just a "meh" feeling? 

Sometimes boredom can serve a purpose. It can help us get through situations where we just need to put one foot in front of the other (for example, getting through a monotonous day at work to pay the bills, or a seemingly worthless class to get the credits we need.) Boredom helps us to otherwise get by when we don't have the physical or mental energy. The mask of boredom can also prevent us from "letting go completely" when we don't have the mental capacity, time, or the right tools to process our anger.

But what happens when we get stuck in boredom? 

When we dwell in boredom (or apathy,) that protective mask can start to slip, and the underlying, real emotion of anger can start to burst through. We might start to snap at people, say things we may regret, or otherwise lash out in ways that might make us feel out of control. We might feel resentment at our situation or the people around us and fall into a state where we're now bored, angry and depressed. It can be a vicious, revolving cycle.

Embracing Our Anger and Boredom

When we're ready (and sometimes we're not, which is where boredom can step in) we can begin to be curious about why we're feeling bored and thus, why we might be feeling angry. Then, as we fully immerse ourselves in these emotions and sit with them, we can begin to navigate through them. Here are some strategies to consider when attuning ourselves to our anger and boredom:

1. Self-reflect

Do I feel bored because I'm frustrated with being stuck in this meaningless summer course? Am I feeling stuck because I feel like no one will listen to what I think? Do I feel like I'm out of options? What options do I have?

Give yourself the time and space to reflect on what may be causing your boredom and anger. Are boundaries being broken? Are your needs not being met? Do you feel stuck? If we can touch on the root cause of our anger, we can gain valuable insights into the changes we may need to make.

2. Seek Meaning and Purpose

When we're bored, that often means we don't find anything meaningful in what we're currently engaging in. While sometimes our boredom helps us push through, it can also help us explore our values, or what really brings us a sense of fulfillment. 

Say for example you’re usually busy with schoolwork, extracurricular activities, and social commitments. But summer leaves you with a suddenly nearly completely empty schedule. You find yourself bored and frustrated, but instead of fighting it, you open yourself up to it. You let yourself reflect on her interests, goals, and aspirations. Without the constant busyness and distractions, you have the mental capacity to be introspective

You decide to explore one of your forgotten hobbies—say painting. You spend hours experimenting with colors, brushes, and canvases, letting your creativity flow freely. As you immerse yourself in this new activity, you might be surprised to discover a sense of joy that you didn’t know you were missing.

3. Set Boundaries

When you take the time to rediscover values or things that resonate with you (like for example, creativity) you can behind to build boundaries that help you make space for those things. Building boundaries can be difficult, but if we express our needs and establish boundaries that protect our values and ourselves, we can prevent our anger from getting the best of us. Similarly, communicating our desires for new challenges and experiences can help combat boredom.

4. Welcome Change

Again, easier said than done, but if we open ourselves up to change, we can use it as an opportunity for growth and novelty. Think of it this way: boredom can be a gift that pushes us to step outside our comfort zone, try new things, and embrace uncertainty.

In short, it's ok to be frustrated and it's completely normal (and again, ok) to be bored! What's important is learning to really look at our boredom; why might our boredom be us masking our anger and why are we feeling this way? When we can better navigate our emotions, and accept that they're not "bad" emotions at all, we can begin to communicate our needs, set up boundaries and follow what's true to us. 

Until next time,

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About Our Author | Lena McCain MA, LPC. 0017723

Lena McCain is our Founder here at Interfaith Bridge Counseling, where she continues her support as our Clinical Director. She also holds a Master of Arts degree in Clinical Mental Health: Mindfulness-Based Transpersonal Counseling Psychology from Naropa University.

Lena’s drive and passions lie in the realm of community building and youth collaboration, which she has spent the last 12 years studying with an emphasis on one’s exploration of personal growth, community healing, and multicultural values. Lena’s expertise in these areas and the therapeutic field acts as a reminder to our community, teens, and young adults that they are not alone in their experience of life.